I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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