At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
