also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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