Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
