i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
