maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
it was like his penis was on wheels.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
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