I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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