There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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