Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
