they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
