I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
