i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
