Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
