Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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