I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
