i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
