i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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