My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
