I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
