awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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