My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
