On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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