You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Randomize
