I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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