i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
