We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
