Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
