my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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