new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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