she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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