PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
