I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
