I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
