Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
