Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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