then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
