i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
