The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
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