i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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