Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
