did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
This baby is an asshole
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He shit in the fireplace
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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