He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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