I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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