I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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