I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
