Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
