You're a womanizer and a bitch.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
