Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
