Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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