If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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