eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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