Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
