Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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