dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
