I've blown a few things in my day
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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