That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
