I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
