Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
